Guest Post: Stephanie Kehr on "Lollipop Perfectionism"

Pitfalls of Lollipop Perfectionism - and the Truth that Sets Us Free

By Stephanie Kehr

I remember those markers. They were perfectly wet and splashed brilliant colors of purple, sea green, and orange across my poster board with each stroke. I was enjoying myself. Colors had the ability to cast a spell of joy over me. Not only that, but someone had asked twelve-year-old me to design a sign for church. I felt pretty special.

“Can we help?”

I turned to the two boys standing next to me. No, I wanted to say, impulsively. They were good friends, but this was my project, and I wanted it to be done my way.

“Please?”

“Okay,” I gave in, trying to be nice.

The two boys sat down next to me gleefully and picked up my perfect markers. “I’ve outlined all the letters here, so all you have to do is color them in. But every stroke has to go the same way, and they can’t be overlapping. You can’t scribble.”

“Why not?”

“Because it doesn’t look good.”

I explained the color pattern to them, and just in case they forgot, I drew one perfect line of each color in every letter so that they didn’t mess up.

But the inevitable was the inevitable.

I cringed watching their fingers rub the markers back and forth across the paper, not with my standard even strokes. They used dry markers, went outside the lines, and messed up my perfect color pattern twice. Immediately, my spell of joy was snapped in two, replaced with severe agitation. I considered throwing down the markers and letting them finish their scribbling.

The oldest boy caught on to the obvious tension I was exhibiting. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

I decided to tell him the truth. “My work doesn’t usually look like this…and it bothers me.”

“Oh.” He ushered to his younger brother. “We can leave.”

“No, it’s alright. It’s not your fault.” The harm was already done, and they were having a good time coloring. “I’m just a serious perfectionist.”

My ten-year-old friend put his finger to his chin in thought, and looked me in the eye. “Maybe that needs to change.”

I walked out of the room with that little sentence playing around in my mind. Maybe that needs to change. I’d never considered it. Everyone always complimented my work, and I thought pretty highly about making praise-worthy material. Why change?

Years later, the comment is still with me. I often use it to remind myself when I’ve gone too far expecting perfection from others, or even from myself. I’ve discovered that when I let myself ease up on the perfectionism dose, drawing can be far more enjoyable and even therapeutic. Not only that, but things really don’t turn out that bad. Our sign was hung high on a wall, and you couldn’t even tell that the boys had colored slightly over the lines.

But for me, my friend’s little sentence hit a chord in my heart—and it didn’t stop at calligraphy lettering.

Like many of you, I was brought up as a Sunday school dress-wearer, tea party fanatic, and frequenter of baby showers. In our days, eleven-year-old girls were supposed to be sugar and spice and all that’s nice...and a whole bag of chips besides. There’s nothing wrong with sugar and spice. The Bible calls us to be kind, sweet, loving. However, the Bible does not call us to a form of overpowering niceness that leads us to lollipop perfectionism. We are not meant to take it to the extent where we’re on display and fed completely by our own strength and artificial sweetener, elevating our angelic hearts to idolatry. Paul says in Ephesians 2:8, “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God.” [NASB]

As a Christian girl brought up in baby shower society, I find myself and my sisters stumbling in that pit of religious perfection far too often. We’ve been brought up to be good. Most of us have never committed what people generally tag a “serious” sin. We find it easy to be the perfect, and one day, we find out people like us to be the perfect.

Unknowingly, we engage in contests with one another, hoping to appear somehow “better” than our comrades, and mostly just better than we really are. We look down on others, judging their character and whether or not we obey the rules better than they do. We refuse to confess our sins to one another because then we’re admitting we’ve got flaws. Yet those are our instructions in James 5:16.

We trap ourselves inside these boundaries and burdens, leading each other to believe we’re obeying the Bible, when in truth, we’re wallowing deep in sin.

Maybe that needs to change.

Jeremiah 17:5 says, “Thus says the Lord, ‘cursed be the man who trusts in mankind and makes his flesh his strength, and whose heart turns away from the Lord.’” [NASB]

It’s not wrong to be a good person. That’s Biblical. It’s not wrong to be good at something. God gives us gifts. But it’s wrong to turn perfectionism into an idol. To judge and look down on others. To elevate ourselves because of a form of goodness we’ve created. To steal someone else’s joy because we want everything—including ourselves—to be perfect.

It needs to change. We need to change.

But in order for that to change, we’ve got to acknowledge that we’re sinning in perfection, and repent. We’ve got to allow Almighty God to take over, numb our control-fanatic streak, and kill our flesh, our desire to be perfect. To be liked. We’ve got to be willing. Open. At the feet of Jesus.

See, we’re not going to help our falling world by hiding under a veil of handmade perfectionism. We’re not going to fight sin that way—because we’re in sin. The Bible says, “You will know them by their love,” not, “you will know them by their perfection.” To help our dying world, we’ve got to throw down our masks of falsehood and embrace truth—freedom. There is so much more value, sweetness, and truth that resonates from a girl who chooses to love God…and just be real.

Yes, we were sinners. Yes, we are sinners.

We mess up. We’re liars, thieves, persecutors, evildoers.

But those who were once dead are now made alive. Those who have been made alive now shine a light. Those who shine a light, are saved by grace that not of ourselves! Sinners see perfection and believe there’s no hope for them, because they’re sick. Their lives look dirty, like my friend’s scribbles. But Christ came for the sick, the broken, the hurting, the sinners, for the lives that look like scribbles. He came to set them free! How many more souls could we win—how many more souls could we encourage just by cutting down our heavy layer of self-made perfection and pointing to the cross?

Christ, not us.

Him, not me.

“For this reason it says, ‘Awake, sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.’” Ephesians 5:14 [NASB, italics mine]

Stephanie is a seventeen-year-old author and born again daughter of the King. Through the power of God, she strives to be encouraging and God-honoring in what she writes. Most of all, she strives to be real. She enjoys books, poetry, singing, wide open windows, and anything creative she can get her hands on. She is currently preparing for the release of her debut novel, tutoring high school students, making her way through college, and outlining two other novels in her spare moments. You can visit her at Musings of a Creative Spirit.

Guest Post: Bethany Baldwin Talks Hanukkah

Celebrating Hanukkah... as a Christian Non-Jew
by Bethany Baldwin

Hello everyone! I'm very glad to be here today. Emily asked me to talk about Hanukkah. You see, my family has, many times in the past, celebrated this holiday, in a way. But as Christians, our perspective on it is a bit different.

Hanukkah came about when, in 164 B.C., a group of Jews known as the Maccabees (led by Judah Macabee) took back Judea from the rule of Seleusids, which were Syrian rulers who supported the spread of Greek religion and culture. In fact, they tried to destroy every trace of Jewish religion. Hanukkah, also known as the Festival of Lights, is a celebration of this recapture, and of the re-establishment of the Jewish Temple. The Maccabees ruled until 37 B.C. when Herod took power.

Hannukah is an eight-days-long festival. It centers around a nine-branch menorah. There was a menorah in the Temple which had seven branches. The menorah for Hannukah has nine for this reason: eight to remember each day of Hanukkah, and the ninth is called a shamus, and is used to light the other candles.

More about Hanukkah's origins: King Antiochus (a Syrian tyrant) was ruling Judea at the time. He decided to go into Jeruselem and take the treasures from the Temple. He also decided to forbid the Jews from keeping holy traditions like the Sabbath, studying their holy books, etc. Just to prove a point, he desecrated the alter by sacrificing a pig on it, something that was unclean. He then dedicated the Temple to Zeus, and forced the Jews to bow to an altar dedicated to this false god under penalty of death. The Holy Temple was desecrated, its treasures stolen. Many people were killed, and those who survived had a heavy tax placed upon them. Antiochus then went on to proclaim himself as God manifest. Much persecution was dealt to those who would not stop following God's laws.

Some Jews fought back, though. A small group of Hasmoneans (Maccabees) under Judas Maccabee took up guerrilla warfare. They drove the Syrians out, and regained control the Temple. They began the task of purifying it. The altar was rebuilt. New holy vessels were made. A date for the re-dedication of the Temple was set for the 25th day of the Hebrew month Kislev, which is the Roman month of December. The Temple was fixed up, made clean, and re-dedicated to God with a celebration lasting eight days. While they were cleaning, they found only one cruse of oil with enough oil to light their lamps for one day. They lighted the menorah with their oil. To everyone's amazement, the menorah miraculously burned for eight days, at which time new oil was available.

It was declared that the re-dedication of the alter should be observed with gladness at the same season every year for eight days. The light of the menorah is a symbol of the light of God. The fact that it burned even when no supply was to be had is a symbol of the eternity of God's enduring word. The true heart of the celebration of Hannukah is the divine experience of the miracle of the oil.

Now I'll talk about a little bit about how my family has celebrated this festival. We call it "Jesus is the light of the world," since the Festival of Lights is celebrating the light of Jesus.

Hanukkah's theme is a miracle. Jesus spoke of His miracles during Hanukkah: If I do not the works of my Father, believe me not. But if I do, though ye believe not me, believe the works: that ye may know, and believe, that the Father is in me, and I in him. (John 10:37-38).

Jesus wanted people to see His miracles and believe in Him. His miracles point to His divine (and messianic) identity. God personifies the message of Hanukkah in this way... God involved actively in the affairs of the people. Through Hanukkah we are reminded that God is a God of miracles, not just concept and religious ideals. He broke through human history and still does it today. All of us who know God can speak of Him working in our lives.

We like to celebrate Hanukkah because in our eyes, it is a celebration of Jesus! We aren't Jews, and we do not hold to Jewish customs. But we are spiritual Jews through Christ, and He has redeemed us with His love and light. Jesus being the light of the world is a huge theme of Hanukkah. There are three sermons in scripture where Jesus declared Himself the "light of the world." All three were during Hanukkah.

Then Jesus said unto them, Yet a little while is the light with you. Walk while ye have the light, lest darkness come upon you: for he that walketh in darkness knoweth not whether he goeth. While ye have light, believe in the light, that ye may be the children of light. These things spake Jesus, and departed, and did hide himself from them. (John 12:35-36)

In fact, it was during Hanukkah or the Festival of Lights that Jesus brought literal light to the blind. As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world. When he had thus spoken, he spat on the ground, and made clay of the spittle, and he annointed the eyes of the blind man with the clay, And said unto him, Go, wash in the pool Siloam, He went his way therefore, and washed, and came seeing. (John 9:5-7)

I could go into many more details... like how the original story of Hannukah can be compared to the end times, and how Antiochus was a sort of antichrist, and how we need to separate ourselves, but I think I've rambled enough, and will end with a description of our family traditions.

We get together as a family in the evening during Hanukkah, sitting around the table, usually after dark. Dad reads a blessing... blessing the Lord... Blessed are you, Lord our God, King of the universe....etc.

After this we light the candles. We light one more candle each night. On the first night we light only the shamus with which we light the first candle. The second night we light the shamus and two candles, and so on until we have lit all of the candles on the eighth day.

Sometimes we gave presents on the last day of Hanukkah, but oftentimes we just open them on Christmas.

Besides the lighting of the candles, we enjoy playing a traditional Hanukkah name known as dreidel! The dreidel is like a top, with four flat sides around it. (Unfortunately I don't have a photograph to show you as I need to find my dreidel.)

Emily here! This is the only free stock image with a dreidel I could find. Hope that helps!

The four sides have four words of the Hebrew alphabet: nun, gimmel, heh, and shin (Which when put together says A Great Miracle Happened Here). The words are very curious looking, and fun to try to decipher as they are not words in English, but appear as shapes. One looks like the symbol of pi! There is a pot containing chocolate coins (the homemade ones are the best) or anything you like. Each person playing must spin the dreidel. Each symbol means something different, and you must do what the symbol says like give half the pot away, or take it all. It's quite fun. I've heard that the origin story of the dreidel was during the persecution Jewish boys weren't allowed to learn Hebrew, so they would pretend it was a game, but by using Hebrew letters were somehow able to learn. It's all very interesting.

There is so much to be said about Hanukkah! It is wonderful to celebrate Jesus, being a Christian, for eight straight days, and there's something beautiful about seeing the candles lit each night, and spending time together as a family.

This year we didn't follow Hanukkah along the normal calender, but when we get to my sister's home, we are planning to continue this celebration of Jesus being the light of the world!

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. (Isaiah 9:6).

Bethany is a contributor for A Pinch of Classy, a blog about modesty, fashion, and everyday living for the modern Christian girl. She loves both the writing and the acting sides of the art world, and can often be found at play practice if she's not typing away at her computer. You can check out APOC on Facebook here.

Author Interview: Caitlin Hensley {+ Giveaway!}

Tell us a little about yourself first.
Hi, everybody! *waves* I’m Caitlin, I’m 19, and I live in a little community in rural Oklahoma. When I’m not writing, I’m usually clogging, catching up on reruns of my favorite TV shows, or getting lost in a book. By day, I’m currently attending a two-year course to become certified in graphic design, which is loads of fun, and at night, I teach blogging classes at a nearby vo-tech.

When did you first realize you wanted to write books?
I don’t think there was really a certain moment in time when I realized, hey, I should write a bunch of books and become an author! For as long as I can remember, basically, I’ve been scribbling down stories on bits of notebook paper and reading them out loud to my sister. As I got older, I switched to a laptop, and now I make my sister read my books on her own, but the general principle’s the same. ;)

What is your writing process? Do you write regularly at certain times or just when inspiration hits?
I try to write at least 1,000 words every day, but I don’t always meet that goal. I’ve been struggling with some serious writer’s block now that NaNoWriMo’s over, actually. But I’m determined to keep writing and work my way through the block. I have a book to finish!


I know the feeling! Although I abstained from NaNo this year... anyway, moving on. How many books have you written?
I’ve finished thirteen books, and I have about five others that are in various stages of being written. Once I finish my NaNo novel, I guess my total will jump to fourteen completed novels. (My math skills are simply astounding, right?)

Here's a fun one! Indie publishing or traditional publishing?
Indie, definitely. I love being able to design my own covers and format the interior pages of my books to look the way I want them to. I just wish I had the opportunity to reach as many people as traditionally-published authors can. Since I’m self-published, not many people know my books exist, which is kinda sad.

That's probably going to be my biggest problem, too, once Sixteen comes out.

What’s your latest book about? Target age range?
My latest book is called Beast Within, and it’s the third book in The Inhuman Chronicles. It’s YA paranormal-fantasy. In the book, the main character Haily experiences a series of psychic visions that star her boyfriend’s brother––and he’s dead in her arms. Not good, right? And then she’s also got to deal with an evil dragon and the arrival of her boyfriend’s snarky ex-girlfriend.

Oh my. I gotta say - glad I'm not in that book! (But snarky ex-girlfriends and evil dragons in the same book sounds totally awesome.) Now, a harder question: if you couldn’t be an author, what would your ideal career be?
I’d love to be a graphic designer! The class I’ve been taking has opened my eyes to so many possibilities. I’m thinking about starting an online business to design book covers for other indies, which would be so much fun. :D

With the booming self-publishing world, I don't doubt it would make a good career! 

Now, as a writer, we do a lot of less-than-normal things. One of the more generally-accepted of these is last-minute internet research - particularly during NaNo! So I was wondering, what's the weirdest thing you've Googled?
Hm…..probably embalming. I had to know a lot about that for one of the books I just edited. But honestly, my search history is generally pretty sketchy. I hope the FBI never checks my computer…

Oh, most writers are in that boat, haha!

Last question: if you could only share one piece of advice with aspiring authors, what would it be?
Don’t give up! Writing can be super hard at times––believe me, I know. But if you really want to be a writer, and your dream is to see your name printed on the spine of a book, don’t let yourself stop writing. Just keep going, slogging on through the tough bits, and before you know it, you’ll have a finished book in your hands!

And finally, some extras: where can I find you online?

Blog  |  Facebook  |  Goodreads  |  Amazon  |  AUTHORSdB

Thank you so much for being my guest today!

Now, my lovely readers, to the giveaway! Caitlin has brought with her a copy of her first ebook, Together Alone, for one lucky winner. This giveaway is open to all ages and countries. Good luck, and may the odds be ever in your favor!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Welcome

All images from http://www.lovefromginger.com/free-stock-photo-library/

Hang the holly, trim the tree, wrap the presents, and party with me! That's right, my lovely readers - today we kick off our totally amazing holiday blog party!

If you're new here, don't be shy - we're all quite friendly, I promise. This is my third annual blog party, which doesn't have an official name. Why? Because it starts on my blogoversary and runs through Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hannukah, and New Year's until, finally, we end on my birthday. That's over a whole month of partying! I never could settle on what to call such a massive celebration, so I just went with "Party." Keeping it simple... or something like that.

How does this party work? I'm glad you asked. :)


Every year, we have a mix of guests featured. I interview authors - both traditionally published and indie/self-pubbed. Other bloggers from around the blogosphere stop in to talk about winter, writing, a specific holiday, Christianity, cooking, and other fun topics. (I let them pick whatever they want, because really, there's not many limits in a whole month of celebrations!) Of course, a party this magnificent requires great gifts - so Etsy sellers and my interview authors bring presents!

I'm totally psyched for this year's lineup, and if you could see the schedule, you would be too. With all the fun gifts and awesome personalities coming in, you won't want to miss a single day! The best way to stay in the loop is to follow my blog - I have plenty of options available: GFC, Google+, Facebook, Twitter, RSS feed, Networked Blogs, or (my personal favorite) email. You can find your venue of choice in the right-hand sidebar on this blog.

For just an idea of what's in store this year, here's a smattering of the guests we'll be seeing...

Elizabeth Liberty Lewis
An author of an Answers in Genesis book
S. J. Aisling
A future Olympist!
Hannnah Stewart
An original artist from Etsy
Frances Hardinge
Two paranormal authors (unusual for me!)
C. F. Barrows

...and, of course, many more! So let's get this party started!

A Few Words on Spam

Note: This post does not apply to Google+ comments, which I have semi-recently started using, because you can't use word verification with Google+ comments. Yay!

A long while back, I was reading one of my favorite blogs when I came across a post on CAPTCHA and spam filters. (For those of you wondering, I'll explain what these are in a moment.) Basically, the post was so convincing, I turned off my CAPTCHA settings for this blog. In three years of blogging, never once have I turned it back on - or even considered it.

So let's talk about spam, because this is something that bothers me lately.

Obviously, I'm not talking about processed meat in a can. Nor am I about to launch into a discussion of how much I hate spam and can't trolls and hackers find something better to do? There's enough of that on the internet; it's obvious the only people who don't hate spam are the ones sending it.

No, I'm here to talk about CAPTCHA spam filters, and how they're really just as bad as spam itself.


First of all: Defining Filters

You're reading a blog. You decide to comment on a post. You type in your thoughts, your name, possibly a login or email... and then are asked to enter a bizarre selection of numbers and/or letters from blurred, swirly images to prove you are human. This is CAPTCHA. (Sometimes you come across the elementary-arithmetic variety of filter, but those aren't nearly as common or as problematic.)

It's kind of hilarious, when you think about it. But that's not all it is...

Second matter of business: The Problem With Filters

(1) They're annoying. I growl every time I see one. Not joking.
(2) They're time-consuming. I just wrote out my wonderful, totally important comment, and now you want me to prove it's worthy of your time with a bunch of pointless letters?
(3) They're inconvenient and, often, downright difficult. I mean, seriously, I'm almost out of high school and I still can't make out half those images. What's with this?!
(4) They're counterproductive. You may think you're keeping spammers away, but you don't realize how many real comments you're also blocking. Readers either get frustrated and give up, or don't see the filter come up after clicking "publish" and assume their comment is now live.

Now, finally: Going Filter-Free

The thought of all the spam that will be loosed upon your blog is frightening... until you actually take the plunge and discover that you were worried over nothing. Seriously, in three years of blogging, nearly all that time filter-free, I've had maybe two or three spam comments make it onto my posts. That's one per year. Not really a big problem! Plus it's super-easy to manually delete spammy comments.

So, if you'd like to get rid of filters yourself (and you use Blogger), I can tell you how! Trust me, it is sooo worth it, and a lovely something you can do to help out your readers. Go to your Dashboard, and then to Settings in the left-hand sidebar. Under Settings, click on Posts and Comments. There's a little spot reading Word Verification - the official/techy name for spam filters and CAPTCHA. Click NO in the drop-down bar, and make sure you save your settings. Voila - you're filter-free! Congratulations!

For another discussion of CAPTCHA and a photo-guided version of how to turn it off, check out my friend Cait's post: http://www.notebooksisters.com/2013/12/how-to-rid-your-blog-comments-of-captcha.html

Just One Word

Once upon a time, a teenage girl who liked writing and trying new things decided to do this whole New Years thing called One Word 365. She wanted a fun word, a pretty word. She landed on "dream."

She wasn't really expecting it to become a heavy word, a serious word. To that girl, "dream" meant smiles and laughter, anticipation and excitement, happy days and big, bright emotions. Sacrifice? Waiting? That's not what "dream" was about, not for her. No, she wanted to reach out and grasp her dreams - today.

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She certainly wasn't expecting to learn about failure. She was after success!

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Sometimes, she reached those dreams. She took the leap, followed her dreams. Sometimes, she helped others reach theirs. There were dreams during that year she didn't even realize she had, that pushed her on to greater things than she'd expected, imagined.

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But more than anything, she learned. Oh boy, she learned a whole crazy mess of things - about God, about the Bible, about herself, about her future.

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Now there's me. I'm not that girl, that sixteen-year-old stepping out into the world of publishing for the first time. I'm not the girl who chose to dream. I am, however, a girl who knows how to reach her dreams, how to learn hard lessons and take daring, scary leaps.

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And now I am a girl ready for a new word and a whole new year of changing. Who will I be next year? I don't know yet. A published author. A college student. A legal adult. But who, exactly, that girl is, waits for me to come and live her.

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Christmas Cheer

I'm writing this at ten o'clock at night. Well, my time. At Union University in Jackson, Tennessee, it's nine, and we still have another hour to go until the Ayers 1 live nativity begins - as does the judging of the Christmas decorating contest.

Let me back up.

Once upon a time, the oldest child and only girl of four kids knew she wanted to go to college. Then she realized she needed to figure out which college she was going to, and soon. Thus began a series of extensive, tiring college visits with her momma. One of these visits took them through way too many hours of Thanksgiving-weekend traffic and led to a prestigious Christian university in Jackson, Tennessee.

They took the tour, met an admissions lady and the Dean of Education, sat in on classes - the works. And then came the fun part: free time with students in the dorms! Because this girl was staying that night with a student ambassador in the dorms - building Ayers 1 - and guess what tonight was? Christmas decorating night! All the dorms participate in what's called the Union Cup, and one event worth mucho points is the Christmas decorating contest.

And so began a night of gift-wrapping the door, making bows out of curling ribbon, watching Elf (for the first time. I know, I know!), and doing work on the computer with a tinsel beard taped to my face for an hour. See, I volunteered to be Joseph in that live nativity I mentioned. So I'm trying very hard to be patient and not watch the minutes count down to when I can rip the miles of tape and glittery, irritating tinsel off my chin.

In other news, there are a ton of Christmas lights out right now. I'm not kidding. This is Charlie Brown cheer on steroids. One building is playing music loud enough for the entire Quads to hear. Enthusiasm certainly isn't lacking here! Maybe we'll get lucky and Ayers 1 will win this year. I heard last year they lost to the guys by only 50 points.